With each of my preganancy's I would 'suffer' from deep depression that flowed into post natal depression. From a physical perspective I had Hyperemesis gravidarum that was unsettling my whole body's systems including my hormones and brain function. From an energetic perspective I would enter deeply the void of creation to birth not only my child but new pathways of my family lineages and new cosmic pathways. I look back and wish I had someone to explain to me the expansive nature of my creative gifts. I never saw myself as very 'creative'. I wasnt a great artist, crafter, cook or decorator. I had no reference in the world for my deep creative flow. I have now come to understand this creative flow as deeply connected to my Shamanic gifts and the cosmos. The more expansive and deep the creation the deeper the journey within the void. I have spent the last 3 and half years being bed ridden and deep within the void. I have no longer needed depression to be my expression of this void, as I have embodied over the years, the understanding and wisdom of the void and of my creative energy. The void is the polarity of creation and it is an important part of the journey to creating. Our human minds dont like the void. We have no reference for it in this fast paced, production focused world. We do not grow up immersed in a culture that honours and understands the wisdom and power of the void and so we experience this void as numbness and a lack of movement and momentum, a lack of interest. It is a time for going deep within, of withdrawing, of clearing what no longer serves us, of being with the stillness, of the waiting for creation to be birthed into form. But in our culture we see it as something wrong with us, something that we need to fix, something we need to medicate away. This comes from a culture that avoids anything but a surface expression of happiness. Too many People are not comfortable with anything that resembles unhappiness and especially depression. There comes with this state a lot of judgement, comments such as 'you have so much good stuff in your life why are you depressed?' 'Just be positive!' ( which translate to, 'I dont want to take a dive deep under the surface of our society and my life because there are my shadows I do not wish to meet, so dont wave your depression in my face'). What I have come to learn and understand that after a journey deep into the void, a beautiful amazing new creation gets birthed. Mine have all be life changing experiences that I would never have been able to foresee or make happen from just my surface human self. My experience of depression was a disowning of my own power. My power to create and my power to journey fully through the void. I see this over and over in others experience of depression. The disowning and lack of understanding of their power. What if we saw depression for the powerful journey it is? The deep dive into the void to birth a new aspect of our own magnificence? What if that was our deep understanding of depression? That on the other side of this void, this numbness is more beauty and magnificence than you could ever have dreamed! It would make the journey through the void just a little more bearable! I look back and see how if I had known how to be fully present with my depression journeys, I would have opened myself to more of my own power and wisdom much easier and I could have supported myself more fully. Ahhhh but life is such a magnificent journey that through those deep shadow experiences I have had the polarity to understand myself and life even more deeply. So nothing is ever wasted! All in divine time! How can you be more present with your depression journey? With your creativity? With your power? What is it that you are birthing? Do you get glimpses of it? I knew I was birthing a beautiful baby in my preganancies, but I had no idea of the magnitide of their magnificence in the world and through them my grandchildren and their magnificence anchored here in the Earth. I did not see the flow on of my creation and how expansive it really was. I am sure I still dont fully! I know that through this time of critical and chronic illness that I am not only birthing a new way of life for me to live but also opening and activating and birthing new ways of living and being for all of humanity, for the whole cosmos! This awareness has truly supported me through this time of stillness in the void! Knowing that this is where light is birthed and then planted as a beautiful seed of creation that will change the world. Know that you are that too! You are powerful beyond measure! You are divine beauty and magnificence creating magick here on Earth at this time! And so it is!