Today was a shit day! I don't often experience shitty days - I am pretty much the glass is not only half full, it's full of the most delicious organic juice blend that will not only tantalize your mouth but nourish every cell in your body, type of gal!
So when its a shitty day its normally pretty full on!
I didn't really sleep much last night. I was rolling around in deep pain. Not really physical pain but deep ancient pain through my heart, my womb and my whole being and this deep pain continued into my day today.
It had started the day before as I journeyed deep into the collective womb. I wasn't planning this journey, it was a path that had walked me! It had called me forth.
I could feel myself knowing, recognising the deep pain within here, (the collective womb) but not wanting to feel it.
I didn't know what more I needed to do but was told by the ancient grandmothers to just be, allow, all is as it should be.
I was aware as I came out of the journey that I was still moving through something deep.
And so today I sat with all the grief, the pain, the trauma, the overwhelm and the loss of hope. It was such raw deep pain. I wanted to not feel it. It felt like I was breaking, that my Soul and my heart were breaking. I could feel the pain of every mother who had ever lost her child, watched as they starved to death, died in wars, in violence or just from a broken heart. The loss of hope was overwhelming. The pain of feeling abandoned by the universe was all too much. So much loss, so much pain!
I wanted to heal it away. I wanted it to be less than it was! To be small and not so painful and overwhelming!
Another way in which we are programmed to be less than! Another way we are expected to not take up space!
We are expected to have smaller emotions, smaller and quieter grief, trauma that isn't so big and disruptive!
I was reminded that this was pain that had never been shared, witnessed and validated. It was pain that had been made smaller, diminished and buried and it needed to be felt fully, honoured and witnessed. It needed to be held in all of its rawness. In all of its inconvenient, messy, overwhelming expression.
And so I held it within my being. I held it within my Soul. Allowing it to be. To be in all its overwhelming rawness.
I took some time to have a ritual shower where I washed my body in some nourishing blend of organic fruit and coconut milk and afterwards sealing and honouring my body and energy with one of my dark moon oils. I then did a Yoni steam in the evening and followed with a body oiling ritual outside under the dark moon and stars.
I honoured the release from my womb and the collective womb, the pain, grief and trauma and honoured all the women who have walked before me. I honoured the fullness of their grief, their pain, their trauma.
I then called in, as I gently danced, desire, pleasure and a life lived fully and freely. A life full of hope, joy, love, passion and vibrancy.
A life lived in its fullness, taking up space with laughter, delight, tears and heart wrenching screaming, quiet sobbing and passionate moaning. Life lived full of dancing, creating, loving, playing and growing. Life and death honoured as they weave through our Soul.
And now I complete my day feeling full! Full of life and death! Full and complete and honoured to be on this path.
And so it is!